We regret to inform you that your inability to write sentences of more than 140 characters has resulted in your suspension from our society. In the event of your termination you will be required to hand over the codebook and membership ID. You will also be stripped of all library privileges. We might also want our society t-shirt back – the management will get back to you about that.
In order to prevent said termination, we earnestly urge you to do the following.
1. Expand your vocabulary. Your vocabulary, like, seems to have, like reduced, like totally. Y’know?
2. Tweet less, write more. Instead of tweeting in Scottish, we suggest you spend more time writing. No, not in Scottish, in proper English. The world is a better place without every single minuscule thought being immortalized on the internet.
3. We noticed with great trepidation that you’ve now adopted certain Hindi slang phrases into your vocabulary. We would like to express our dissatisfaction at this development. We’ll be watching you. Closely.
4. That’s all, really. We’d ask you to stop procrastinating, but we know a lost cause when we see it.
Remember, use your words wisely.
Yours in eloquence,
The Society of Words